You have a lot that you are trying to manage, EDS Mama, caring for your child. How is your relationship with your husband holding up under all this stress? Does it feel like one more thing for you to juggle? Does it seem like some days your husband makes things harder for you? Are you on a completely different page than him? Have you considered divorce?
Caring for a child with a chronic illness takes a tremendous toll on a marriage. I felt very alone through many years despite being married and I wondered at times if we would make it through or just be another statistic. This past summer we celebrated twenty-five years of marriage. My husband surprised me by taking me into a jewelry store to choose anything I wanted as a gift for our anniversary. I knew we did not have money to spend so I was shocked that he had extended this gesture! But we were so glad to have made it to this special marker in our marriage and we both just felt so grateful. I looked around the store and he refused to tell me how much I could spend, knowing that I do not like working without parameters. He enjoyed seeing me squirm! After browsing around a bit and trying different things on, the store owner asked if I had a cross necklace, which I did not. As soon as she mentioned it, I knew it was exactly perfect. What better way to symbolize the anchor that held us together not only for twenty-five years, but also through such a rough road that we had traveled for so long. She was a bit disappointed that I wanted the little delicate cross so I could wear it every day close to my heart, not for show, but as a reminder of God holding our marriage together. She chastised us a bit that it was suitable for a Christmas present, but not for a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I stuck to my guns though, saying that it was absolutely perfect.
I am amazed that we made it through these rough years with EDS. Humanly, we think sometimes that it would be easier to go our separate ways, but now we can look back by the grace of God and be so thankful that we still have each other. ALL of my praise goes back to God alone because I have been so weak at my effort in my marriage. Some days I had nothing left to put into it. I probably know all the things you and your husband are likely divided about, but I do not want to list them all here. This EDS Mama knows because I have lived it as well. Just be assured, sister, that the reward is great when you stay together. Keep reminding each other that you are a team even when you do not feel like it. I have learned to let my husband cope in ways that are very different than my ways and I have learned that only God (not my husband) can satisfy all the emptiness in my heart and be everything that I need. “Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:2
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