In our ladies’ bible study tonight, we did an exercise where we took all the letters of the alphabet and wrote out corresponding words which describe the character of God. I arrived on the letter H and a tough lesson God had taught me as an EDS Mama popped into my mind. I wrote the word Humbler because God in His perfect and righteous care for me humbled me big time over the years. I used to think I had things pretty much together and I wanted to take some of that credit. God showed me that He cannot use a prideful spirit and that everything is really about Him anyway. I’ve said before in previous posts that dealing with difficult doctors and trying to get the help a chronically ill child needs has a way of making you feel very, very small.
The Lord has used all the caregiving I learned with my daughter to equip me so that I can also do the same for some elderly loved ones in my life. He has given me every tool I need to get this job done. But just like the ones God brought out of Egypt who wandered for years in the desert, who forgot His miracles and grumbled against Him, I did the same thing today. When I should have had patience, should have kept my eyes on the One who equips, I was impatient, not very gentle at all, and quite frankly, perturbed. Let me be clear, this was no fault of my loved ones. I was frustrated by circumstances. Like His chosen people, I had forgotten His goodness, faithfulness, and provision that He had taught me not too long ago. He humbled me tonight at this bible study when I realized I missed the opportunity today to bring Him glory and instead, chose to let pride creep in, focusing more on myself than on others. I had missed the chance to be a healing balm to someone. A big part of this was my fault as I’ve been putting God on the back burner and not spending time with Him like I should.
The good thing is that God is Forgiving (letter F). Tomorrow is a new day to let His provision shine through me to encourage those who need to know God cares about them. It’s my job to keep spending time with my Father so that my focus is where it should be. I want to move past The Humbler and embrace all the letters He offers to me.