I've written and re-written this post several times. See, I am trying to get the focus off of myself and look outward. Lately that's been challenging. I've been coping with physical pain and I hate the attention it keeps demanding.
Let's get one thing straight...PAIN IS NOT A GOOD TEACHER! I would much rather learn life lessons other ways than through pain. It not only prevents me from doing the things I desire to do, but it also changes my whole temperament. I'm having trouble just being kind to the people I live with and caring about their needs. My patience is not what it used to be.
In my frustration and anger, I've been asking God why He allowed me to miss that one stair three weeks ago. Although I've experienced this same injury multiple times in the past, I was not prepared for the severity of widespread pain that decided to come along for the ride this time. What lesson is it I'm supposed to be learning? I was made to care for others, not have others care for me! I've been thinking a lot about Mark 8:33 NIV. "But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. 'Get behind me Satan!' he said. 'You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.'" I'm asking how to be heavenly focused at this time because I know I should be, but I don't feel that I am. What do the "concerns of God" look like and what should I be doing? Maybe it is more about what I should be becoming. It is a day to day choice to not fixate on my pain, but to look outward at the opportunities God is still placing before me.
One blessing from this mishap is that slowing down my pace has helped me to see people. I've always been a fast walker and it has been refreshing to actually see the faces of people in my daily activities. Have I been speeding past opportunities all along? It would be a positive step if I were to just slow my pace a bit even when this ankle improves.
What about you? Do you feel stuck in a broken state? Do you want to be more outward focused? Hang in there. I know you don't want to focus on your pain. I know it's really, really hard, but with God's help, we can still find opportunities to walk beside others, even with painful, angry ankles!